take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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