The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
