Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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