What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
