dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
