everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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