The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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