My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
