piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
