i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
