If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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