when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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