Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
