And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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