yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
