Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can text with my tongue
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
