Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize