When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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