I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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