Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
