i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
honey bunches of taint.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
