I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize