pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had to cum in my sink.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
