hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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