Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
