dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
