you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
