His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
