The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
