I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Small penises have feelings too.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
