i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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