My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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