New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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