accomplished twins. life is a go
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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