so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
