Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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