someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
