The maid of honor just puked.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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