Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
