Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The air was thick with penises
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
