weddingsv make me drug and hornr
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
