I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
