? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize