I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
