dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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