She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
