He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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