so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
