Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think i got beer on your cat.
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