The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
