if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
