Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
