Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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