When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They took my balls.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Randomize
