11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
