Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
