Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
