I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
