Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
