too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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