She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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