Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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