His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Terrible idea I love it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
