Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
