I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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