david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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