Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
