Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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