Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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