Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
