they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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