I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
