Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
