i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
