Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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