You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
