i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
