we have officially lost it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
