As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
