the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
