Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
