Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I am morally bankrupt
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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