at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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