Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
