i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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