even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
