I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
